apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
