Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
