I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
