why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
