That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My vagina is officially offended.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
