good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
