Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
