from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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