thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
