i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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