I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Enjoy the penises
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
