shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
