Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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