Pants 0. Shit 1.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
