The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
