He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
