Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
