When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
