I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
