4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
