U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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