mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
