she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
