Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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