So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
