You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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