Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
