I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
