Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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