im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
