I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
