The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
