I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
