hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
