The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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