he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
