ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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