I'm so fucking centered right now
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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