Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
dude. I can hear the air.
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