Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
