she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
