Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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