Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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