I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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