I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
