anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
