you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
