u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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