I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
