i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's shark week go big or go home
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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