You're completely useless in the revolution.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
