dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
