Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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