oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
