i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
