Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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