Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
