So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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