people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
