I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
