yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
